Saturday, December 31, 2011

Don't dream it, be it!

Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
That delicate satin draped frame
As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry
'Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Or in my case.....don't just dream it write it!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Write What You Know

Isn't that the advice that everyone gives you after they roll their eyes? Well its always the advice i have heard people say.
And it was what i went with.
I knew things that nobody else knew. I knew how to make lemon aid when life gave you lemons.
I was the oldest of 7 children, my father drank too much, and my mother cried too much, my uncles touched to much. I went to school with my hair in braids and a pair of shoes that had to last all year.
I was good in school despite all the setbacks.
When i got older i learned what boys wanted and how that gave me power.
I could turn a "c" in math into an "a" just by shedding a tear and wearing a tight sweater.
Please don't think that im feeling sorry for myself, actually those were the worst and best times of my life. I  wouldn't trade them for anything.
Those years made me who i am today.
I learned to be a survivor. There was nothing wrong with getting knocked down just as long as you got up again.
Years later when i got my Real Estate license i excelled in a whole new way.
I wore a suit and carried a briefcase and worked with women who were some of the best of the best. They put a whole new meaning to the word "shark".
Oh and yes i learned one more thing success gave you both money and sex and no street drug came close to the feeling or power that brought you.
I wanted more!

No Turning Back

Over the next couple weeks i started to make a different kind of scrapbook. This was more like a journal. The kool- aid voice was right, i had never read a real book. In fact i didn't even know the difference between fiction and non-fiction.
When i did go to the library or book store i wandered around until i found a book with a pretty cover. Then i would read the inside flap and if the book didn't hold my interest in the first couple of paragraphs i just put it back.

I know alot of you really successful writers will just think of me as uneducated and shocking and maybe even vulgar, but when you were going to college and getting your degree i was home having babies and making diner.
And before you say" well what about elementary school" in that hands to pearl necklace kind of way. Let me say just this, im the oldest of seven children in a Latin family. This means while most kids were in bed until their moms woke them up for school, i was up at 5am making my fathers lunch for work and taking care of my brothers and sister while my mother was in the hospital having another sibling.
Remember im the oldest of 7, this also meant i missed alot of school.
By the time high school came the kool-aid was being served.

More determined than ever i did not let this stop me, in fact i was all the more hell bent on doing this writing thing. So with my journal in hand i made a list of likes and dislikes.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Universe Finally Speaks

I was sitting in bed one evening, cutting up magazines and working on the scrapbook of my life, still not quite sure how all this was going to happen.
But that wasn't my concern,i knew the Universe was shifting and turning like a giant rubics cube to put me in the best possible position for opportunity.
My scrapbook was way past picking out the basics, i had designed my new home, the location,and its interior. I even choose the people i wanted in my life and erased the people i didn't!
OMG! Did you hear what i just said? I erased the people i didn't want in my life...You have no idea how mind blowing this was for me!
I didn't kill them, i didn't wish them bad, i just erased them.
My retail job, co workers, family members, all peacefully gone, erased!
I think the last time i played  this hard with my imagination it involved Barbie dolls. But looking back i had a great imagination.
I had invisible friends, i spoke and had complete conversations with my dog, and even built  a tree house with my brothers where we named it the "Jupiter 2" and explored space and had alien filled adventures.
I don't know when it happened but i drank the kool-aid.
This potion makes you forget completely who you are and you just blissfully go through life fulfilling the dreams and aspirations of others.

I turned on the television and channel surfed. On a back channel there was a "Sex in the City" marathon, Great i needed more fashion tips for my scrapbook.
It just so happened that it was the episode where Carrie Bradshaw was trying to decide who she was and how she wanted herself to be portrayed on her book cover.
I laid there thinking how marvelous it would be to just write down all your snippy little ideas about life and have them get turned into a book, and get paid for it!
I sat straight up in bed, like i had been shocked.
I knew this was the sign i had been waiting for! It was the universe speaking directly to me.
Just like "The Secret" said it would.
How could i be so sure you might ask?
Because the very next thought that came into my head was,stupid girl, you cant write, you have no time for this, you've never even read a real book, and the books you have read have Fabio on the cover!

Oh, i knew that voice well, i had heard it all my life, it was the voice of the kool-aid.

The Secret


So i dove into the book, devouring every morsel of information.
  • I tried to see the positive in everything (easier said than done)
  • I cut up magazine after magazine making scrapbooks of what my perfect life would look like.
  • i even started drawing (i dont draw)
  • I started looking to the universe for signs
What i unknowingly had done was to ask myself what i wanted, all my life i did what others expected of me. I was a wife, a mother, and now a grandmother.
Not that these were bad things but they were things for other people.
I prayed/ chanted and as i did this my mind wandered, and opened it self up to the possibilities.
The book teaches, if you want it, imagine it, don't tell yourself its not possible.
If you want a new car don't  tell yourself you cant afford it, go out and test drive it, feel yourself behind the wheel, the plush leather seats, drive around town on your test drive.
Or back up a minute and think, if i had that car what would i wear driving it? how would it make me feel? how would i want to act wearing my new outfit and driving this new car?
I was excising my imagination! I was never good in language arts in school never took a writing class, ever!
But with the help of this book i started daydreaming about the endless possibilities and i started writing them down.

"WWOD" AKA "What Would Oprah Do"?


I really cant say i was ever a fan and i never sat and watched her shows.
But this was crisis time and every woman knows that when the cards are stacked against you, you turn to your people.
For me it was Oprah and my Gynecologist Dr. Brooks.
Oprah for words of wisdom and Dr. Brooks for a little blue pill that will take the hormonal edge off.
It had been almost a week since i ripped off  the band aid off my life and was forced to look at the ugly spot i had created, and the worse thing was  i was picking at it...gross!!
It was my lunch hour at the mall and i needed spiritual intervention so i went upstairs to the book store.
Standing there, trying to channel Oprah and have her guide me to what i was looking for i was easily sidetracked.
The smell of coffee lured me, so i let myself be lured. I ordered a large latte and since i was feeling especially good about myself(sarcasm) i ordered it with extra whipped cream.
The skinny, yoga pants wearing, woman next to me looked at me with large disproving eyes and as i pass her holding my coffee with 3 inches of whip cream on top i commented " wow you look amazing" they never made cute stretchy outfits like that when i was pregnant.

Yes i know that was mean...But i was beyond caring what anybody thought about me, i was done smiling, done pretending, i was 1 blue pill away from taking hostages.
That's when i saw her ..Oprah.
No not the real Oprah but a large cardboard cutout of her, and as god is my witness she was holding the book that would be my salvation "The secret".

Even the title made sense..because if it wasn't a "secret" then everyone would do it and the magic would be gone. (yes i sound crazy, don't judge me)
Plus it was a small book! This meant it was an easy secret and i could do that!

Monday, December 26, 2011

My Inspiration

Ok, so I'm not that different from most people, i was waiting at the bus stop on my way to work one morning and it hit me..I HATE MY STUPID LIFE!.
It was a revelation! An awakening! I had been in retail for almost 20 years and had scraped  and clawed my way to the middle.Not that i wouldn't have slept myself to the top if given the chance, but remember this is Retail.
Trust me when i say that the gay casting couch in Hollywood is nothing compared to what goes on in high end retail.
I have personally seen married with children straight males, passed up for promotion after promotion..until they wise up and become "gay for pay".
in the short end of 18months they are rubbing elbows with the fashion executives wearing white capris rolled up at the ankles and a pink polo with martini glasses embroidered on it, discussing weekend getaways.
Then as if by magic they are promoted out of the store to executive level where their roles become more fluid and less structured and completely unaccountable.
Am i middle aged and bitter? YES, YOU BET.
Ok so with that off my chest and my personal loathing at a fever what?

Crap i have no idea what comes next...I'm sitting at a bus stop.... so running away to Paris and throwing my panties in a fountain may look great on paper but hardly a reality in my world.
So as the number 5 bus to century city pulls up, my midlife crisis evaluation would have to wait.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Is it too much to ask for?

All i want is a quiet corner with a glass of wine and enough time to jot down some plot lines that have been swirling around in my head ...before they are completely lost! 

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

why am i awake!

5am...545am...630am why cant i sleep? I wouldn't mind if i had the writing bug but im tortured by the blank page.I think the writing bug is fast asleep.GRRRRR!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

A little writting

So yesterday i spent a wonderful day at the beach. Soaked up some much needed Malibu sun and did a little writing.
Im trying to get into the habit of writing a page a day or at least every other day so i keep the wheels greased. I find that i either stare at a blank page or the words flood out so fast that my hand cant keep up with my head.
Have you ever seen a medium go into a trance and scribble on a piece of paper like a maniac?
Well that's how i write its all scribble scrabble and then i have to retype it on word.Its a process that i hate but i don't have the same connection if i don't do it long hand.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

More magnets!

Well im trying not to bother my editor with countless questions of "IS IT DONE YET"?
So I think I will busy myself with turning more of my book cover business cards into magnets this weekend.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011


Anticipation is in the air!
Kinda nervous and yes kinda scared. This is my first book and even though its fiction i have inserted quite alot of ME into the book. So i feel like my diary will be available for everyone to read and critique. So please enjoy and YES please comment.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

well im not sure what constitutes a it the endless ramblings of my opinions on stuff or is it well meaning advise on life? Neither seems to interest me so i think my blog shall be a Q and A on my characters or my thoughts on "Romantica" and the likes.
But like the perfect Gemini that i am this too is subject to change!