The Universe Finally Speaks

I was sitting in bed one evening, cutting up magazines and working on the scrapbook of my life, still not quite sure how all this was going to happen.
But that wasn't my concern,i knew the Universe was shifting and turning like a giant rubics cube to put me in the best possible position for opportunity.
My scrapbook was way past picking out the basics, i had designed my new home, the location,and its interior. I even choose the people i wanted in my life and erased the people i didn't!
OMG! Did you hear what i just said? I erased the people i didn't want in my life...You have no idea how mind blowing this was for me!
I didn't kill them, i didn't wish them bad, i just erased them.
My retail job, co workers, family members, all peacefully gone, erased!
I think the last time i played  this hard with my imagination it involved Barbie dolls. But looking back i had a great imagination.
I had invisible friends, i spoke and had complete conversations with my dog, and even built  a tree house with my brothers where we named it the "Jupiter 2" and explored space and had alien filled adventures.
I don't know when it happened but i drank the kool-aid.
This potion makes you forget completely who you are and you just blissfully go through life fulfilling the dreams and aspirations of others.

Well NO MORE!
I turned on the television and channel surfed. On a back channel there was a "Sex in the City" marathon, Great i needed more fashion tips for my scrapbook.
It just so happened that it was the episode where Carrie Bradshaw was trying to decide who she was and how she wanted herself to be portrayed on her book cover.
I laid there thinking how marvelous it would be to just write down all your snippy little ideas about life and have them get turned into a book, and get paid for it!
I sat straight up in bed, like i had been shocked.
I knew this was the sign i had been waiting for! It was the universe speaking directly to me.
Just like "The Secret" said it would.
How could i be so sure you might ask?
Because the very next thought that came into my head was,stupid girl, you cant write, you have no time for this, you've never even read a real book, and the books you have read have Fabio on the cover!

Oh, i knew that voice well, i had heard it all my life, it was the voice of the kool-aid.

"WWOD" AKA "What Would Oprah Do"?

"WWOD" AKA "WHAT WOULD OPRAH DO"?

I really cant say i was ever a fan and i never sat and watched her shows.
But this was crisis time and every woman knows that when the cards are stacked against you, you turn to your people.
For me it was Oprah and my Gynecologist Dr. Brooks.
Oprah for words of wisdom and Dr. Brooks for a little blue pill that will take the hormonal edge off.
It had been almost a week since i ripped off  the band aid off my life and was forced to look at the ugly spot i had created, and the worse thing was  i was picking at it...gross!!
It was my lunch hour at the mall and i needed spiritual intervention so i went upstairs to the book store.
Standing there, trying to channel Oprah and have her guide me to what i was looking for i was easily sidetracked.
The smell of coffee lured me, so i let myself be lured. I ordered a large latte and since i was feeling especially good about myself(sarcasm) i ordered it with extra whipped cream.
The skinny, yoga pants wearing, woman next to me looked at me with large disproving eyes and as i pass her holding my coffee with 3 inches of whip cream on top i commented " wow you look amazing" they never made cute stretchy outfits like that when i was pregnant.

Yes i know that was mean...But i was beyond caring what anybody thought about me, i was done smiling, done pretending, i was 1 blue pill away from taking hostages.
That's when i saw her ..Oprah.
No not the real Oprah but a large cardboard cutout of her, and as god is my witness she was holding the book that would be my salvation "The secret".

Even the title made sense..because if it wasn't a "secret" then everyone would do it and the magic would be gone. (yes i sound crazy, don't judge me)
Plus it was a small book! This meant it was an easy secret and i could do that!