Don't dream it, be it!

Whatever happened to Fay Wray?
That delicate satin draped frame
As it clung to her thigh, how I started to cry
'Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure
Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh
Erotic nightmares beyond any measure
And sensual daydreams to treasure forever
Can't you just see it. Whoa ho ho!
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Don't dream it, be it
Or in my case.....don't just dream it write it!

The Universe Finally Speaks

I was sitting in bed one evening, cutting up magazines and working on the scrapbook of my life, still not quite sure how all this was going to happen.
But that wasn't my concern,i knew the Universe was shifting and turning like a giant rubics cube to put me in the best possible position for opportunity.
My scrapbook was way past picking out the basics, i had designed my new home, the location,and its interior. I even choose the people i wanted in my life and erased the people i didn't!
OMG! Did you hear what i just said? I erased the people i didn't want in my life...You have no idea how mind blowing this was for me!
I didn't kill them, i didn't wish them bad, i just erased them.
My retail job, co workers, family members, all peacefully gone, erased!
I think the last time i played  this hard with my imagination it involved Barbie dolls. But looking back i had a great imagination.
I had invisible friends, i spoke and had complete conversations with my dog, and even built  a tree house with my brothers where we named it the "Jupiter 2" and explored space and had alien filled adventures.
I don't know when it happened but i drank the kool-aid.
This potion makes you forget completely who you are and you just blissfully go through life fulfilling the dreams and aspirations of others.

Well NO MORE!
I turned on the television and channel surfed. On a back channel there was a "Sex in the City" marathon, Great i needed more fashion tips for my scrapbook.
It just so happened that it was the episode where Carrie Bradshaw was trying to decide who she was and how she wanted herself to be portrayed on her book cover.
I laid there thinking how marvelous it would be to just write down all your snippy little ideas about life and have them get turned into a book, and get paid for it!
I sat straight up in bed, like i had been shocked.
I knew this was the sign i had been waiting for! It was the universe speaking directly to me.
Just like "The Secret" said it would.
How could i be so sure you might ask?
Because the very next thought that came into my head was,stupid girl, you cant write, you have no time for this, you've never even read a real book, and the books you have read have Fabio on the cover!

Oh, i knew that voice well, i had heard it all my life, it was the voice of the kool-aid.

My Inspiration

Ok, so I'm not that different from most people, i was waiting at the bus stop on my way to work one morning and it hit me..I HATE MY STUPID LIFE!.
It was a revelation! An awakening! I had been in retail for almost 20 years and had scraped  and clawed my way to the middle.Not that i wouldn't have slept myself to the top if given the chance, but remember this is Retail.
Trust me when i say that the gay casting couch in Hollywood is nothing compared to what goes on in high end retail.
I have personally seen married with children straight males, passed up for promotion after promotion..until they wise up and become "gay for pay".
in the short end of 18months they are rubbing elbows with the fashion executives wearing white capris rolled up at the ankles and a pink polo with martini glasses embroidered on it, discussing weekend getaways.
Then as if by magic they are promoted out of the store to executive level where their roles become more fluid and less structured and completely unaccountable.
Am i middle aged and bitter? YES, YOU BET.
Ok so with that off my chest and my personal loathing at a fever pitch...now what?

Crap i have no idea what comes next...I'm sitting at a bus stop.... so running away to Paris and throwing my panties in a fountain may look great on paper but hardly a reality in my world.
So as the number 5 bus to century city pulls up, my midlife crisis evaluation would have to wait.